No Bones About It!

 


Molly Whipple taking an evening jog... having got her time down to something very respectable... a marathon in about fifty-four minutes... rounding the corner past the Natural History museum... to hear screams coming from inside... and the roar of what sounds like a chainsaw...

Chickfighter gasps... knowing that those sounds can't mean anything good... not even sure if the museum is open this time of night... but without even breaking stride quickly rushing up the steps into the building... in her grey sweatshirt with the sleeves ripped off and shiny pink running shorts... eyes wide as they search for the source of the sound...

Your eyes widening as a load of tourists flood out of the Age Of Dinosaurs exhibit... pushing past you in their haste to get away... as you hear shots... before the security guards run as well... guns smoking... "Get away! Bullets don't stop it!"

Chickfighter gulps... not liking the sound of that... but declaring... "If bullets don't stop it then this must be a job for a Danger Doll!" She nods to the security guard and rushes on inside the exhibit... wondering who would be wanting to steal a bunch of old bones... giggling nervously... "Some villains are total nutjobs... no bones about it!"

Your eyes widening as you see who's responsible for clearing the exhibit... Sawbones... the skeleton brought back to life by radioactive ooze... clacking his teeth at you as red eyes glow... his trademark chainsaw buzzing... as he grabs a vial of glowing green fluid from his pocket... the intention clear in a room filled with dinosaur skeletons...

Chickfighter races forward... pulling a leg out from under the T-Rex as she passes it... the structure of bones teetering... then crumpling behind her like a stack of sticks in a children's game... she brandishes the huge bone like a massive club the size of a rowing oar... "Don't even think about it... Sawbones... or I'll knock that grin right out of your face!"

Sawbones clicking his teeth at you... not able to do much else without a tongue... angry that the giant dinosaur skeleton is destroyed... but moving towards something smaller... a pack of three velociraptors... skeletons perfectly preserved...

Chickfighter flips into the air to cut him off... landing between him and the velociraptor display... "No way! I warned you, Sawbones... now give me that vial you vile thing!" swinging her club at his ribs to drive him back...

Sawbones' red eyes flashing... blocking your club with his chainsaw... the metal teeth scraping against the bone... before he swings it around... aiming to cut you off at the ankles...

Chickfighter eeps as the chainsaw takes a bite out of the bone... splintered pieces flying in all directions... dropping the remaining nub and leaping in the air as the chainsaw is brought around at her ankles... reaching for the vial in Sawbone's hand as she flips over his head... desperate to prevent him from animating the room full of thunder lizards...

Sawbones unable to get a decent grip with bony fingers... not enough to prevent you from grabbing the vial... roaring at you... or miming it... as he spins... whirling his chainsaw... attempting to cut you down before you get away with the precious fluid...

Chickfighter lands on her feet in an unusually wild flap of sweatshirt... squealing as she realizes the teeth of the chainsaw are ripping it from her shoulders... she stumbles forward as she comes free... falling hard to the marble floor... the vial rolling away across the floor toward the Triceratops skeleton that had been posed with the collapsed T-Rex..."Oopsie..."

The vial rolling faster... as Sawbones grins... not that he has a choice... the dress gumming up his chainsaw so he uses the flat of it as a club... attempting to clonk you on the head before you can stop the vial rolling to its destination...

Chickfighter scrambles forward on all fours after the rolling vial... desperate to catch up to it... thankful the chainsaw has choked out as it is swung at her again... squealing as she ducks... the teeth on the blade catching hold of her shorts... catching her like a fish on a hook... her only chance to catch the vial to crawl out of her shorts... which she does without hesitation...

The vial still rolling... like a runaway train... enough to give the city a Triceratops-size problem... not to mention what Sawbones would want to do with such an animal... as the skeleton leaps after you... attempting to catch you in bony fingers...

Chickfighter proves faster than the rolling vial or the following phalanges... grasping the vial three feet short of the Triceratops skeleton... "Got it!" she exhales loudly... lifting the vial in her hand as she spins to face the pursuing Sawbones... looking quite buff in her pink sports bra and undies...

Sawbones snarling... and trying to rip your dress free of the chainsaw... not managing to unblock it... hurling the weapon at you... then attempting to tackle you to the floor... strong despite his fragile look...

Chickfighter eeps as the flying chainsaw hits her hand and knocks the vial from it... the vial shattering... green liquid splattering all over the skeleton with the huge head behind her... its eyes already beginning to glow as Sawbones drives her to the floor... where she lands with a smack on the marble as the Triceratops display comes to life... "Nngh... yikes!"

The massive monster skeleton miming a roar... and breaking free of its display... turning and smashing against the wall... bringing it down... and chunks of the ceiling as well...

Chickfighter sweeps Sawbones off his feet as he chitter chatters excitedly... dodging falling chunks of ceiling as she races after the monster she just released... gasping as it knocks over a tow truck... but grabbing the chains from the truck and turning them into a lasso... aiming to loop them over the huge head of the rampaging erection of bones...

The bony beast seemingly confused by the modern world... butting telephone poles... and cars... before you slip the chain noose over its neck... bringing it under some kind of control... Sawbones taking the opportunity to make his escape... red eyes glowing with rage at having wasted his precious fluid... running down the street clutching his broken chainsaw as you try and bring the creature under control...

Chickfighter wraps one end of the chain around the base of the Nazruddin Memorial... the most immovable object she can find... dusting her hands and exhaling in relief as she tethers the beast... turning to go after Sawbones... but not seeing him... nor the Triceratops charge... hearing the rush at the last instant... her attempt to dodge just enough to escape impalement... but leaving her dangling by bra and panty from two massive horns... flailing as she gets a wedgie and her jiggling boobies pop out...

The creature pulling the statue out of the ground... dragging the monument after it as it rages through the city... stampeding down the street with you dangling from its horns... nearly naked...

Chickfighter is all over the evening news coverage... her slender sweaty body getting as much attention as the real story... that no one was hurt... or the fact that OptiMiss arrived to save the day... spraying the creature with an antidote for its animation... rendering it once more a pile of bones... albeit with a near naked blonde on top... Molly feeling lucky to be alive... no bones about it!

(May 2009)