Ladies Night Special

 


Tooters Kei feels a bit conspicuous stopping in Columbo’s wearing her Tooters costume... but she just can't face another evening serving beans unless she has some real food first... "Hai, give me a big nasty calzone with shoe leather, fungus and smelly roots..." grinning as she places her usual order... "And a root beer..."

The people behind the counter smiling and directing you to a chair... as you look around... the local college seeming to give this place big business around this time of day... a whole bunch of college girls in to enjoy pizza... no men... Columbo's 'Ladies Night Special' really having taken off... almost a shame no guys seem enterprising enough to take advantage and try their luck... but that might spoil the mood...

Tooters Kei grins and chats with a girl she recognizes from school... explaining her outfit... "Hai, I'm working two jobs this summer to make enough to pay for next year... I caddy during the day... then wait tables at night... this place is great... at Tooters the customers are almost all guys... and they're all hands... if you know what I mean..."

The girl giggling... "Sure... that's one reason we all come here... it's become kind of a local legend... no guys allowed around this time... so everyone can eat a piece of pizza in peace..." Her sentence cut off by shattering glass... as an armored van back up through the window... six thugs in padded armor and helmets charging out... using stun batons to taser the girls... and drag them into the truck...

Tooters Kei gasps as the glass is shattered... gaping as the thugs aim the tasers... flipping her table up on edge to block the shot aimed at her... tasered girls dragged into the van... realizing that the whole Ladies Night concept has made the place a target for slavers... somersaulting to the next table... snatching up an empty pizza pan... and whipping it like a frisbee at the thug tracking her...

The metal pan ricocheting off the thug's skull... sending him reeling back... as the other five turn on you... a couple of the girls escaping... most of them already in the van... cuffed and chained...

Tooters Kei flips up another table before any of the other five can fire on her... realizing that somehow she has to stop them from getting away with the abducted women... wondering what she can do pinned down behind a overturned table... when smoke from a burning pizza sets off the sprinklers... and she leaps into action...

The sprinklers causing the taser guns to malfunction... the five remaining thugs hurriedly dropping them... and attempting to engage you hand to hand... rushing you in an attempt to bury you under weight of numbers...

Tooters Kei scoops up two glasses of cola off a table... and whips them at two of the thugs... the glass shattering off their helmets... the cola spraying everywhere... as the ninja in the soaked orange shorts and tight cut-off tee-shirt sweeps low... trying to drop the next thug into the legs of the other two... before they can all attack her at once...

Two stumbling back... temporarily blinded by the shattered glass and flying coke... as the other three fall in a heap... stumbling over one another... all five incapacitated for a moment... before one of them sprints for the truck... clambering into the driver's side door...

Tooters Kei cartwheels through the spray from the sprinklers to the back of the van... frantically trying to pull the doors open... grimacing as she realizes they are locked... her eyes widening as the van lurches into motion... hanging on tight... her flexing legs shimmering in nylon as she climbs up the back of the van to the roof...

The remaining slavers trapped by police... reaching the pizza parlor... but too late to stop the one remaining slaver... trying to abscond with all the product... and profit... weaving to and fro in an attempt to shake you off...

Tooters Kei crawls across the top of the van... desperately grasping the luggage rack as the van swerves wildly about... flinging the heroine in the bone-drenched Tooters costume all over the place... legs flailing over one side and the then the other... before she manages to reach the roof of the cab...

The driver snarling... throwing the van into a skidding corner... slamming it up against the wall of a building in an attempt to fling you off once and for all... then speeding down the highway...

Tooters Kei squeals almost as loudly as the tires right before the impact with the wall... knocked loose... flying through the air... smacking against the wall with an ooph... then tumbling down on the hood of the van... clutching at a windshield wiper as the van speeds onward... brown hair fluttering loose as her eyes and those of the driver meet...

The driver scowling... activating the windscreen wipers immediately... as he accelerates... putting the van up to a hundred miles per hour... hundred ten... grinning... "This truck is armored... the cargo will survive crashing into a building... and so will I... you, not so much..."

Tooters Kei hangs on for dear life to wiper blades that throw her back and forth even as the truck weaves in and out of freeway traffic at it's top speed... she tries kicking at the window... but has no luck against the bulletproof glass... gulping as she reads the man's lips... getting an "Oh shit" expression on her face...

The truck speeding down the highway... a long straight road... ending in a sheer concrete wall... part of an empty warehouse... the van seemingly capable of plowing right through... but not you... as you speed closer and closer towards it...

Tooters Kei looks at the approaching wall... then back at the driver... her mouth working as though chewing on options... her eyes blinking as if not finding one that will work... then suddenly swinging around on the hood... going over the front... onto the bumper... disappearing from sight... the hood popping up... the engine cut off...

The engine stalling... the armored truck slowing down... even before the driver slams on the brakes... unable to see... the truck stopping inches from the brick wall... close enough that your bottom is pressed against it by the truck...

Tooters Kei exhales, grins and rolls out from under the truck... her soaked Tooters outfit now smudged with oil and caked with dust... she stands there outside the door... tapping a sneaker... smirking at the driver... "I pulled the distributor cap... it's not going to restart... we can wait for the cops... or you can surrender to me now..."

The driver blinking... then raising his hands... as the police arrive... sirens wailing... cutting off any hope of escape... the accomplices already caught as the truck is opened up and the hostages freed...

Tooters Kei grins and gives a statement... beaming and puffing up in her ruined waitress outfit... as Belle arrives to cover the story... feeling sure she will have proved herself to Belle this time... "Thank goodness you're ok, Kei... look at you... you're a mess... and why weren't you at work at Tooters where you were supposed to be?" Kei blinks and slumps...

(June 2009)