Caddie Kei versus The Crusher

 


Kei finishing caddying for the day... and taking a shortcut home... across the golf course... cutting ten minutes off the journey home... and being much quieter and more peaceful to boot... as you wander across sunny fields towards the eighteenth hole... suddenly noticing a dent in the sand trap... as if the sand is draining into a cavern below...

CaddieKei bounces over curiously to see what has happened... a sprinkler leak perhaps... water running under the sand maybe... short lavender plaid skirt poofing as she squats examine closer... turning her ball cap around backwards... reaching into her pack for some gloves...

The sand draining down into some sort of crevice or crack... as the ground shakes... like a mini earthquake... an echo coming from underground as someone curses down there... and you hear falling rocks... almost as though someone's digging through the bedrock...

CaddieKei blinks... her eyes widening as the earth moves under her cross trainers... "Either we've got some huge gophers that have learned English... or somebody's trying to tunnel under the golf course... but why?" She tries to peer into the darkness beneath the crack... "I need to find a way down there... I'm not letting anybody ruin my summer job!"

The earth rumbling again under your feet... more sand draining as another piece of rock falls away under the sand trap... giving you a way into the tunnel being dug underneath your feet... as more voices come up to greet you... one coarse and guttural... the others more human-sounding...

CaddieKei nibbles at her lip as she eyes the hole... hoping the whole course doesn't fall in on itself... or on her if she goes exploring... which she does... against her better judgment... leaping down from rock to rock... landing in the tunnel below... unsure what to expect...

Your eyes widening as you see the extent of the tunnel... the walls shaking... as four henchmen go about putting up extendible metal poles... designed to keep the whole tunnel from caving in until they finish... a massive grey figure ahead... the Crusher... pounding into the living rock itself... attempting to bore a tunnel under the course... of course... the First Empire Bank in that direction...

CaddieKei ducks back into a crevice in the wall... hoping no one has seen her... the Crusher certainly a villain out of her power league... on the other hand if Kei were to thwart him maybe she could really impress Belle... clenching gloved fists and watching the henchies... maybe she could take them one at a time by stealth...

The henchmen working quickly... putting up their titanium poles as the Crusher works... the tunnel needing to last long enough to break into the bank vault... but afterwards the whole course could collapse... this needs to be stopped... the henchmen not even realizing you've arrived in their midst as they work feverishly...

CaddieKei reaches into her pack and rummages around... scowling as she finds nothing very useful... a couple of old golf balls are the hardest thing she can find... she takes one in hand and lets it fly at the head of a henchie... intending to knock him out with a knock on the head...

The henchie looking in the direction of the flying white object... in time to get it right between the eyes... eyes crossing... rolling back... as he slumps to the ground... unconscious... the other three not noticing their comrade slumping onto the rocky floor of the improvised tunnel...

CaddieKei slinking forward as if to take the downed man's place... a splash of lavender skirt... and a flash of wide knee socks... picking up one of the extendable poles... testing it as a staff... then swinging it at the back of the next henchman's neck...

The titanium shaft smacking home... causing the second henchie to groan audibly... slumping forward... the noise alerting one of the other two... who turn to face you... eyes wide with shock... even as the ground shakes... the Crusher continuing to punch him way through the solid rock towards his goal...

CaddieKei jumps between the two remaining henchmen... lavender skirt flaring up from her powerful thighs... revealing a glimpse of pink panty... possibly distracting the two men from the pole in her hands... which she spins like a staff... her head swivels back and forth from one to the other... as she releases the spring... and the pole extends... separate ends each driving a man into opposite walls...

The men pinned by the extending pole... groaning... and yelling for help... desperately trying to free themselves from their own tool... as the Crusher finally turns... growling as he sees all his henchmen disposed of... eyes narrowing as he spots the cause... "You... I'm going to turn you into a greasy spot..."

CaddieKei gives the huge grey man a wan grin... cartwheels over to pick up another of the poles... twirling it in gloved hands as she takes her stance... "I don't think so! I'm Kunoichi Kei! And you're under arrest for... uhm... not replacing your divot!"

The Crusher stomping forward... "Rrrgh... you're getting in the way of my robbery, little girl... last chance... drop that pole or I drop you..." The big man reaching to grab the pole pinning the two conscious henchmen... and bending it... freeing them as he demonstrates his strength..."

CaddieKei gulps and spins into action... swinging the pole at the inside of one knee... and then the other... before yanking it upwards with all her might... "Robbery snobbery... nobody tunnels under the Montgolfier Country Club while I caddie here!"

The Crusher snarling... growling as his knees are drawn out from under him... before the titanium pole smashes hard into his undercarriage... even the Crusher unable to laugh that one off... as he drops to his knees... howling in agony... the two henchmen rushing to take you on even as their boss is out of action briefly...

CaddieKei spins to meet the one on her right first... stepping forward and going to a knee... skirt falling away from the opposite leg... driving one end of the pole at his midsection... thrusting the opposite end back behind her almost as part of the same motion... intending to catch the second man in the midst of his attack...

The pole slamming into the first one's belly... knocking the air out of him... as the second takes an end in the jaw... these henchmen simply not up to scratch... but it sounds like they were only hired to keep the tunnel from collapsing... the ceiling already showing worrying cracks as the Crusher gets back to his feet... eyes filled with rage...

CaddieKei turns the pole in her hands vertically and hits the release... watching it extend to the roof... the pole wedging there... stopping the crack... digging in her pack as she backs away... gloved hand finding the other golf ball in there... threatening to throw it at the Crusher... but actually letting it fly at the disengage knob on the pole as the Crusher stomps by it...

The ball aimed perfectly... smacking into the pole control... the pole contracting in an instant... and pulling down a section of the roof on top of the Crusher's head... only the first part... as the whole tunnel starts shaking... the roof beginning to crumble down... burying the Crusher under the rock... and threatening to bury you as well...

CaddieKei desperately looks for the place where she entered... but all the rock looks very much the same from the inside... a cloud of dust rushes through the tunnel from the collapse... Kei rips off her skirt to cover her face... ducking as the wave rushes over her... covered in dust from head to toe in its wake... but seeing where some dust escaped... leaping for the hole even as a whole lot of shakin' is goin' on...

Forced to jump and scramble off tumbling rocks... eyes wide as you pop above ground like a gopher... leaving the Crusher and his henchmen to their fates... buried under the earth... as a trench appears from the fifteenth to the eighteenth hole... creating an unfortunate new hazard for golfers... even as you wonder if it's possible to dig the henchmen out before they suffocate...

CaddieKei waves at Carl as he drives by in a golf cart... she has him carry her back to the grounds crew barn... getting him to let her inside... so she can take the backhoe back out to dig in the trench... "Call the police, Carl... while I go back... I have to try to save the trapped men... even if they're criminals..."

(June 2008)